mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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