I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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