he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
