shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
