all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
