we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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