cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
