every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
