i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
