I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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