The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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