Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The struggles of a small town man whore
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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