Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize