And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
