I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
