Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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