i love accidental penises.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
