he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
