K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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