Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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