We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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