Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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