i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Couch. On fire.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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