Just cropdusted the office
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
