I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
