Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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