Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
