I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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