Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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