dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
