she pinky promised me she was 18
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
