Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
