He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
