Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
