Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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