This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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