please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize