please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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