oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
