hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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