Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize