They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
