He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
