im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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