I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
