Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
