From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
