soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
