So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
