Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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