just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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