I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
