lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
