Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm really busy with my period
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