She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
