im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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