and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
