I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
