She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
