So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
