All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize