I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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