I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
