I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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