pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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