i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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