Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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