She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
