Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
