I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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