all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
