You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
