but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
