So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
