I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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