Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
