Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
