then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
