Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
