she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
