He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize