How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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