she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
