We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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