Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
